i was a flight risk
by thelilacfield
Summary: She's tied up her heart with twine so she can dance through the days and not show how sad she is inside. And then a chance meeting leads to ups-and-downs.


i was a flight risk

_**I was a flight risk**_

_With a fear of falling_

_Wondering why we bother with love_

_If it never lasts_

~_Mine_; Taylor Swift~

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><p>She dances through the days, showing smiles and pink ribbons and glowing to those around her. She doesn't show the crack right down the centre of her heart. She's twisted it up tight with twine so the world thinks she's still together.<p>

But she can't get it out of her head. His lovely long hair, chopped short, his gentle eyes hard as steel, his mouth a cruel line as he paused at the door to show her the suitcase and the note.

"I'm not going to pretend that this was my fault," he said. "It's not me, it's you. You're boring and frigid and too naïve for me. I need a girl with experience."

He took back the ring he gave her and walked out of her life forever. She watched him go and kept her eyes on the gate for what seemed to be several days, waiting for him to reappear.

But he never came back and she sank slowly to the ground, drew her knees up to her chin and cried. She shut the door on the rain and on him and looked through the apartment for some trace of him. But he'd taken everything with him - every photo, every trinket, every film, every piece of music - every little thing to remember him by.

She didn't know how to cope on her own. She'd always been so careful not to enter into relationships lightly. She'd been planning wedding colours, the carat of the diamond in her wedding ring, thinking of how to decorate the nursery for their first child. She'd never expected him to just up and leave.

Her father had been careless; marrying a woman he'd met a month previously and didn't know. She'd borne the rigid marriage for three years and then left, joining an old flame in Australia. Lucy and Molly had only been a year old at the time. They hadn't seen her since - their father ripped up every picture she sent and every letter written in her romantic scrawl.

And she found one picture of him left in the flat, lying innocently on her pillow when she went to attempt for her eight hours peaceful sleep. He was smiling out at the photographer, his arm around a familiar redhead. She watched him whisper something in her ear and her hand coming up to block the view of the photographer as she kissed him.

She cried tears of anger and regret and her heart shattered at the thought of such monstrous betrayal. And she resigned herself to a night of crying and caffeine and tobacco and no sleep. She curled up and rubbed the edge of a knitted blanket that still smelt faintly of spearmint chewing gum and unicorns and lemon. She wrapped herself in the smell of him and alternated crying and drinking coffee and smoking too many cigarettes and didn't sleep.

And now she faces the world with a smile and a jaunty blonde ponytail, never letting anyone know about how broken she was inside. She zips herself into a pale pink skirt every morning and loops an ice-cream patterned tie around her neck and goes to work at an ice-cream parlour. She chose to job because she has to constantly smile and she has to smile these day to stop herself crying.

Her co-workers are named Toby and Scarlett and Reese and they're among the sweetest souls she's ever met. They joke it's an ice-cream aura and when she's worked there long enough she'll be as sweet. They make faces from scoops of vanilla and cherries and nuts for eyes and a smile. They sing along to the wireless and dance around as they prepare orders and, when they have a spare moment, sit outside with ice-cream and cheesy Muggle music and summer sunshine. And when the day ends and they've finished closing up shop, they all chatter their way along the street to an all-night café and sip coffee as the sky turns indigo.

It's in that café when she sees a familiar face. They're just joking around as usual and Scarlett is singing along to some tune booming out of the wireless when turquoise hair comes around the corner with a face underneath that breaks out into a grin of recognition.

"Lucy!" he shouts, coming straight towards them and pulling her into a bear hug, kissing the top of her head.

"Teddy, I haven't seen you in ages!" she squeals, excited by seeing such a reminder of her old life. Teddy is from life before the break-up.

"Can I take your order?" he asks, pulling a pen from his pocket with a ridiculous flourish that has her really laughing for the first time in months. It feels so good to laugh again.

"So the boss here doesn't insist you change your hair to a normal colour?" she asks, pointing to his brightly-coloured crowning glory.

"No, he says it's a gimmick for this place," he tells her. "It attracts customers so he lets me keep it. But how have you been?" He leans close and examines her left hand as her friends just stare. "I don't see a ring there."

"No, we broke up," Lucy answers, attempting to sound like she doesn't care and sadly failing. A lump rises in her throat and tears prick her eyes as she remembers how he left.

"Lupin, I don't pay you to chat with the customers!" a tall man calls from the counter. "Get back to work!"

"No, you hardly pay me at all," Teddy mutters sourly, reducing Reese to giggles. "Yes, sir! What would you lovely people like to drink?"

"Three teas with no sugar," Scarlett says, being the smart one who always remembers their order. "And a black coffee with lots of sugar." Lucy smiles and winks up at Teddy. He knows that she's always had a companionship with Lily because they both smoke and drink coffee.

"Surely you're sweet enough already, Lucy," he says and Lucy laughs at his idiocy and points him in the direction of the kitchen.

"And don't forget to take some off the bill for a friend!" she calls after him. He pokes his head back out of the swinging door with the notice that reads _STAFF ONLY._

"Fat chance, Lucy!" he shouts and she can hear the grin in his voice.

"Well, he's really cute," Reese says as he vanishes away to prepare their order. "Taken by one of your cousins, I suppose?" She looks at Lucy and Lucy can see the hope in her friend's eyes.

"No, actually," she answers, picking at the checked tablecloth. "It's a miracle, really. We thought he'd marry Victoire, but she actually married his best friend instead."

"Ouch!" Toby exclaims. "How'd he take that?"

"He wasn't upset," Lucy says quickly. "They weren't in a relationship. He was best man and made a lovely speech and danced with her a few times."

"Here you are!" Teddy shouts, coming back balancing a tray on one hand. "Three teas with no sugar and a black coffee with lots of sugar." He winks at Lucy and leaves them to sip their drinks, split the bill and leave.

She hangs around outside, waiting for him to finish his shift so they can talk. He comes out shaking his head and shouting into his mobile and he just beckons her over with one finger and they walk side by side along the street and back into the Muggle world where they both live.

"Oh, eff off and annoy someone else!" he shouts and hangs up on the person at the other end.

"I called Roxanne to ask why you and Lorcan broke up," he explains, putting the Muggle contraption back into his pocket. "She said Molly stole him off you, so I called her to give her a piece of my mind."

"You didn't have to do that," she murmurs, hoping her words will be lost in the dragon-skin of his jacket.

"Yes, I did, because I hate seeing you sad," he whispers. He slips an arm easily around her as if they've been doing it for years and they walk until they reach a little river, the lights of London reflected in its still surface.

They sit down, a slight breeze blowing around them, nipping at their skin. Lucy shivers and Teddy looks down at her, taking off his jacket and wrapping it around her.

"So, how did you end up working in the ice-cream parlour?" he asks, taking her hand and letting her lean against him.

"You have to smile so the customers like you," she answers, because she trusts him and she can be completely truthful when he's here. "And I have to smile so I don't cry these days."

"I don't like it when my friends are sad," he whispers. "Lorcan was horrible to cheat on you and just leave you that way." She remembers his cold eyes when he said goodbye and the tears spill over her lids and she leans against him and just sobs. Her emotional gates open in much the same way the heavens open ten second later.

"Run!" Teddy shouts and he's grabbing her hands and pulling her along as the downpour soaks them through in seconds and his eyes rake the darkness, looking for someplace to shelter.

They find it in a Muggle fast-food restaurant that stays open all night. The faintly glowing yellow **M **is the sweetest sight Lucy has ever seen. They run inside and stand shivering by the door until a waitress insists they sit down and order something. So Teddy orders a tub of ice-cream and they sit in companionable silence, taking alternate scoops of it.

"Why do you want to look after me?" Lucy asks as they stare into an empty tub.

"Why, indeed, Lucy," he says in an unusually cryptic way. "It's a mystery, really."

All of a sudden he leans across the table and captures her mouth with his. He tastes like ice-cream and happiness and hope and she can't help but cling to him as people cough suggestively and several turn to gawp.

Laughing and holding each other up, they tumble out of the place with Muggle eyes burning into their backs and it's still pouring with cold rain but they don't care. Under the amber beam of a streetlight he grins at her and she sees that his hair has become the same blue as her eyes. She smiles and reaches up to kiss him over and over until they're both shaking and gasping for breath.

"What was all that for?" he asks as they finally part and she leans against the streetlight, looking shocked and scared and the tiniest bit in love.

"I think I love you," she whispers and she stumbles on a raised slab and he catches her and for just a second they look at each other.

"What a lovely thing to say," he whispers and their lips find each other again. And neither knows what to think, because he's never wanted a girl so much or felt drawn to her like she's a magnet and she should be so sad over Lorcan but she's not, she's ecstatic to be in Teddy's arms and to have his lips covering hers.

"Do you love me?" she asks as his lips leave her mouth and move to her neck, feathering barely-there kisses along the sensitive skin.

"I'm not sure," he mumbles, the words creating a buzz against her skin. "You're certainly too disturbing to be quite this close to me. But let's get over the obstacles of best relationships before we talk about love, shall we?"

If this was Lorcan, she'd burst into tears, but the way Teddy says it isn't hurtful. He's just a Ravenclaw, confused by love as he never is by textbooks, and he needs to get his head around things. And she can't produce a single tear when he makes her so happy.

_That streetlamp must be feeling rather sore around the base _she thinks as a Muggle taxi takes her home. _Maybe we shouldn't have bumped into it so much._

The next day she's standing on the balcony with her mid-morning cigarette when he arrives, his hair a shocking violet and his grin a mile wide. He takes her in his arms and kisses her soundly and she knows she probably tastes of ash and her dropped cigarette is likely to start a fire but somehow she just ends up absorbed in him and their little world.

"I decided this morning," he says against her mouth. "I love you and I want you to move in with me." She pulls away from him in shock, staggering back against the railings.

"Move in with you?" she asks in a squeaky little voice that isn't like her at all.

"Or I'll move in here with you, whatever," he says with a shrug. "But I love you and I want to see you all the time."

"No, I'll move in with you," she murmurs. "But why?"

"Because you're sweet and sexy and completely out of my league," he murmurs, taking a step towards her with every word. "And your dad will probably murder me and I'll have all your cousins on me if I ever hurt you but I do love you and I want you to come live with me and be my love permanently."

So Lucy moves in with him and Roxanne finds out and accidentally-on-purpose tells the rest of the family. Her father comes roaring round to rage at Teddy for not asking permission and give him the traditional 'if you ever hurt my daughter I'll castrate you' speech. And then he yells more because he sees her smoking. Eventually she calms him down and gets him out and they unpack all her little trinkets and then he suggest they christen the bed. So they do.

But they soon realise life as a couple isn't studded with cherry blossom and diamonds and sunshine like they thought it would be. Autumn creeps in and the rain starts and churns up the ground into a muddy mess. The house is too cold and they never seem to have quite enough food because Teddy just doesn't remember necessities and Lucy was a Gryffindor and, while Gryffindors think nothing of running into battle or cursing a Death Eater, they're pretty much useless when it come to anything normal.

And on Christmas morning she finds a pretty ring in her stocking and looks up at him, speechless.

"I love you, Lucy, and I want you to be mine forever," Teddy says, plucking the ring like some glittering berry from her slack hand. "Marry me?"

"I…Teddy, I…" she begins, tears forming, but her stomach and she claps a hand to her mouth. "I think I'm going to throw up!" She pushes him aside and runs to their tiny little bathroom where she proceeds to throw up everything she's ever eaten.

"Are you that repulsed by the idea of marrying me?" Teddy asks, appearing in the doorway as she frantically cleans her teeth and rinses her mouth again and again.

"No, it's just a bug," she says. "I get them sometimes. Now, what were you saying? Marry you? Why, yes, of course." It takes him a moment to process her response and you can almost see the cogs of his Ravenclaw mind working.

But then he jumps to his feet and whoops in triumph, sliding the ring onto her finger and punching the air in triumph before grabbing her and kissing her on and on. He's engaged and everything's wonderful as he holds Lily tightly and with every kiss fiercely promises never to let go.

And three weeks later they go to the Burrow for a family get-together and everyone's squashed around a table that's really too small for them all. Elbows are bumping together and it's suicide to even think of trying to reach for anything and then Lucy turns to him and says, "Oh, by the way, I'm pregnant. Pass the pumpkin juice?"

And everyone turns and congratulates them and there are mile-wide grins and kisses and choking on drinks (that was James) and happiness.

But two months later he lugs nursery furniture and bright artwork back to the flat and finds her curled up on the sofa, a blanket wrapped around and Roxanne sitting with her, rubbing her back and helping her sip a mug of coffee.

"Lucy, wait 'til you see everything I got for the baby!" he shouts, shedding his coat and arranging the bubble-wrap-swathed packages so they don't get damaged. "I got a cot and a high chair and a mobile to hang over her when she's sleeping - I have a feeling it's a girl - and-"

"Take it all back," she says in a flat little voice. "I lost the baby, Teddy." He stops talking and look at the pair. Roxanne looks up at him and just nods, a serious, solemn expression on her face.

After that, everything just goes downhill.

"Teddy, just shut up!" she screams over the driving rain outside. "Shut up!"

"I can't take it with you and your mood swing and your bloody bi-polarness anymore!" he yells.

"Me and my bi-polarness? You're the one coming home late and smelling like some other girl's perfume!"

"There is no other girl! You know, ever since you miscarried, you've been blaming me for everything!"

"Don't you dare, don't you dare bring the baby into this!"

"What, you want me to play your little game of pretend, Lucy? You want me to have tea parties with you and pretend everything is perfect. Because it's just fucking not! I'm probably about to be fired and we got another final reminder for the gas bill and you're not helping by yelling at me every five seconds!"

"You're not helping by bringing up the baby every five seconds! You blame me for losing the baby!"

"Actually, I do! It's your fault for overexerting yourself and killing our baby!"

"Well, take your stupid ring and consider me gone!" She pulls at her ring but it's stuck fast to her finger. Her face collapses and she bursts into tears and flees. He chases after her, even though it's two thirty in the morning and pouring with rain and she slaps him away with a scream when he tries to put her arm around her.

"Look, this won't work," she says softly. "This is the same way my parents were. I can't repeat my dad's mistake. I thought I was being so careful, but I fell in love with two men who both left me." She lets out a harsh laugh. "Why do we bother with love? It never lasts." She braces herself for the short goodbye, but he takes her face in his hands and looks into her eyes as he raises her ringed finger to his lips and kisses the diamond there.

"I'll never leave you alone," he whispers. "I remember how we felt sitting by the water, and every time I look at you it's like the first time. I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter. She is the best thing that's ever been mine. I love you." He kisses her in a way that leaves their faces both streaked in tears.

And they get married six months later in a flurry of confetti and congratulations and crazy families and kissing. Her dress makes her feel like a princess and he is her prince, softly murmuring endearments in her ear and kissing her on and on to whoops and cheers. The sway under spotlights and she rests her head on his shoulder and doesn't think she'll ever be as happy.

And three years later she films a turquoise-haired man holding out his arms to a lime-green-haired little girl who's taking her hesitant first steps, her stomach bulging with their second child.

And life is good, maybe not cherry-blossom-studded or rose-tinted, but perfect because it's imperfect and crazy and they're together.

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><p>Another Song of the Day! I think I officially converted myself with this story.<p>

For Rachel :) I love you, darling.

No favourites without a review, please and thank you :)


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